Autobio
In the song “Chuck’s Year in Hollywood”
... there is a line that says, “I’ve spent time at the bathroom mirror, looking for roadmaps in my eyes.” I wrote that song back in 1985 when I moved to Hollywood. I was twenty-five, starting a new chapter in my life.
I grew up on an 80-acre farm in Spurgeon, Missouri. History in the early 1900’s, Spurgeon became a small mining area for lead and zinc. There are pictures of miners posing in the front of our house who could rent a bed upstairs to sleep on shifts around the clock.
When we moved there in 1964, there was no bathroom in the house. We had to use an outhouse and bathe in a round wash tub for two years until Dad built a bathroom in the house. Behind the house there were several old dilapidated buildings, a small post office, a two-story grinding mill, a carriage house, a chicken house, a root cellar. There was a large barn with a loft filled with bales of hay and Swallows. One side of the barn had several stalls for milking cows, the other side stalls for horses, with stinging wasps!
When I was 12, we had to watch a massive fire burn the barn down, along with lots of other folks who drove over from miles around, filling our yard. After everyone left, we sat there staring at the large area glowing with red embers until dawn.
On the farm we had horses, cattle, and chickens. A hog one time. A garden and fields we grew corn and alfalfa to bale. At six I was the truck driver in first gear with the choke pulled accelerating, crawling up and down the rows while my older brother and others would throw the bales of hay on the back. The end of the day we would go over to a creek and jump in to cool off but mostly to wash off all the sweat and dust.
One day I was on a tractor with my Dad baling hay. The baler jammed up so he put the tractor into neutral, hopping off to clear out the hay. He called at me to come help him. When I stepped off the back of the tractor, my jeans got caught on the bolts of the spinning power shaft. I quickly braced myself with my locked arms on the tractor tires as my jeans were ripped off in a ribbon up one leg, around my waist, and down the other leg until I was standing there, alive, with my jeans wrapped around the spinning shaft. I think about that event often where there were only two possibilities, do what I did, or have my rag doll body wrapped around that power shaft to death. When we got home I explained to my Mom that I was attacked by coyotes! She was not amused.
Across the road was a house with a country store called The West’s. The first day we moved there, my brother, two sisters, and I ran across the road getting ice cream bars, meeting Bonnie running the store. Growing up we had all kinds of candy, pop, Little Debbie wrapped cupcakes, and ice cream. We would search the roads for glass bottles to turn in for money. They had basic groceries, bread, slicing baloney rolls, gas, and cigarettes for Dad.
On the right side of the store was other things that never moved, old clothing and houseware. In the back of the store was a bucket of water covered with a newspaper and a ladle to drink with, then going into another room with old horse tack, no more being purchased by anyone. Bonnie lived there her whole life with her parents, Wilfred, born in 1885 living until he was 95 and Lottie, 1889 - 1977. Wilfred sat in the back of the store by a wood stove hanging out with his dog and visitors. When Wilfred drove his truck out to feed his cows, I would run over and grab the bumper being dragged out to the field, watching underneath to roll one side to the other to avoid rocks and cow dung, then help throw out the hay.
Later in life in 1998, I was back home and drove down to Spurgeon, seeing Bonnie sitting on her front porch. She was then 85, living by herself. It was wonderful hugging her and chatting away! We went into the store and literally, not one thing had changed since the day we stepped in, the glass candy cabinet, ice cream vintage freezer, the Coca-Cola cooler. It made me wonder how long this store actually looked this way. The West’s Store opened in 1919! Spurgeon had an amazing history I never perceived growing up there.
In the 5th grade in Neosho, I was in a little Christmas play as one of Santa’s elves and I got hooked on acting in plays. I was in high school plays in the 6th and 7th grade. I took up the trombone in the 6th grade because my best friend had taken up the trumpet. I began playing the guitar at 13 and wrote my first song called “River Boy.”
I was born on the river
I was born on a Mississippi boat
Mmm Mmm
Heard my mother was a lady
Heard my father was a gamblin' man
Mmm Mmm
The day came when Dad left us, leaving $25 and moved to Denver. Living on a farm was over. Mom had to sell the farm and moved us into Joplin. It was terrible for me, leaving my friends, starting the 8th grade in a different school.
But I still had the theater bug and made it into the drama gang. I was in every play except two throughout high school, marched my trombone in parades and football games, sang in Choir and The Choraliers. I played the guitar and sang in plays and assemblies. I wrote and performed songs for the 1977 and 1978 graduations.
I was in a band in the 10th grade called "Sound City Edition" being the singer and guitarist playing gigs all around the area. Photos were rarely taken in those days, but someone took our pictures performing at the Joplin Memorial Hall. He gave us the pictures and I can't thank him enough whoever he was. I really enjoyed doing music and acting in my life!
After graduation I left Joplin moving to Denver, to live with my sister. In this period I went out discovering discos! For money I got a job at the Jolly Rancher factory throwing molten goo into the top of machines spitting out their little wrapped candy. It was the first of many rough jobs I would have over the next 20 years.
After a year though, I was asked to go back to Joplin from a couple of buddies to help form a new band. It was called "Graffiti" and we played popular “New Wave” songs. We attempted about a year into it switching over to our original songs, but we just couldn't coalesce well and it broke up the band. So, back to Denver I went.
One of the guys in Graffiti showed up to Denver saying he had enrolled into Music and Recording at University of Colorado at Denver. I said “What! I didn’t know anything about that place! I'm going to enroll too!” For the next four years I went to UCD in music, theory, history, guitaring, and most importantly recording.
The first time I went into the studio I produced “You Know What You Want” and it opened my mind how it all could happen with good musicians and multiple takings for a final track. In another class I had to make my first video. It was a fun, quick, and cheap project showing me my acting was not completely over!
My next produced song was “It Goes On.” Along with "You Know What You Want" they were entered in the 8th KBCO Boulder Music Invitational 1984, both receiving Certificate Awards as a finalist out of 540 songs. "Well I'll be!"
I wrote and produced “The Whole Program” about a threatening experience I had on a bus where a rampageous guy was yelling he wanted to "kill everyone... the whole program sister!" The street sound at the beginning was recorded at a bus stop on Colfax Avenue. The first half of the song produced in 1984 has been kept, merging into today’s version with all new tracks, except the trumpet. I wanted to create a statement that the topic of someone planning to kill people continues and evolves. “The Whole Program” has 42 years in it!
“Slow Me Down” is the oldest song on the album written in 1980. This was a song particularly inspired to me by Joni Mitchell. Instead of a lot of rock and roll, her album "Court and Spark" was my life soundtrack when it came out when I was 14-15. The song "Down to You" has this orchestral interlude I thought was so very interesting, another layer bringing another story into it. That's what I composed into “Slow Me Down.” Joni Mitchell was inspiring to me on several of my songs.
Around 1984, I wrote the song "Twist" and recorded it with some friends on a little 4 track cassette recorder. It became a theme song for my sister who would play it for her kids to energize them on helping her straightening up the house. Producing "Twist" for the album, I wanted to have my old friend and original bassist, Patrick Milligan. Contacting him he said he "would happily do it." But before doing it, first he had to go win a Grammy with Joni Mitchell in 2022, The Best Historical Album! I was so amazed and proud with him working with Joni, then playing the bass again for me on "Twist," like he did 40 years ago! Then he won again with Joni Mitchell in the 2026 Grammy Awards. I am wildly jealous. I've never had the opportunity to meet her.
I was hooked on the album, "Miles Davis ~ The Man With The Horn." The first song "Fat Time" had a guitarist on it I couldn't stop listening to. I went to see Miles Davis, January 29, 1983 at the Rainbow Music Hall and there he was, Mike Stern on the stage! Afterwards, I was electrified to compose “Pablo’s Dilemma,” recording it at home, the best I could, then never did anything with it.
30 years later I decided to include Pablo’s Dilemma” on the album and had an idea to try contact Mike Stern, mainly to say, "Hello! And thank you!" But also to ask him being the guitarist on the song he inspired. When I did speak with Mr. Stern he said,
"Thanks man! Sure."
But that wasn't the only event. I often ran into a neighbor walking our dogs. I mentioned to him I was making an album and unbelievably had a session coming up with an amazing guy, Mike Stern, playing on one of the songs.
"Yeah, I know Mike Stern," he said. "I played on a couple on his albums, and other albums with him."
I said, "I'm sorry Peter, what's your last name?"
"Erskin. Peter Erskin."
I studied who Mr. Erskin was, realizing he's a very professional drummer, playing with Weather Report, Joni Mitchell !!! Steely Dan, Brecker Brothers, Pat Metheny!!! I asked him if HE would be on "Pablo's Dilemma" with Mike Stern and he said,
"Okay, sure."
When I mentioned I needed to get a good trumpet player, Peter said,
"I'll hook you up with Randy Brecker."
Mr. Brecker, another amazing artist, and a very nice guy, said,
"With Peter and Mike? Sure."
These three musicians make "Pablo's Dilemma" something special. In addition, Peter Erskin plays the drums on "Twist."
This is the reality that these songs are 42-46 years old.
I moved to Los Angeles in 1985 to enter my music career. I lived up the hill on Argyle behind Capital Records. Laying in my bed at night looking out the window, I could see Capital’s tower blinking red lights spelling out H-O-L-L-Y-W-O-O-D in Morse code. I would stare at it thinking, “where the hell am I!”
In the first few years I wrote “Blessed Transitions,” “Chuck’s Year in Hollywood,” “Lifelines,” and Squeaky Wheels.” When I saw the movie “Desert Hearts” in 1986 about a lesbian romance, it connected with me with close friends I had in Denver, inspiring me to write “Cautions Thrown to the Wind.”
I had a neighbor friendship during the Argyle days, DeeDee Rescher, an actor getting good work. I first noticed her in the movie Ferris Bueller at the end as the school bus driver picking up the principal limping home! She asked me to put a poem she wrote for her boyfriend into a song. I did and always loved it. I asked her if I could produce the song to be on my album and she said “Please!” It’s called “Sweet Drifter.” These songs were all written 1985-1990.
“Now I Know” was the last song written in 1993, being bummed out on a breakup. I would sit on my porch, smoking cigarettes, listening to Frank Sinatra albums. I finally said, “okay enough of that! I’m need to write a song inspired by Frank’s bummed love times!”
In the first five years in Hollywood I was trying to write and record new songs, but there was a another reality in parallel, needing to work on many different jobs to pay the rent. I began a new job on January 2, 1990 that took over my life for the next 25 years. I was a support engineer on a video editing system that put me running all over Los Angeles into all the film studio lots, supporting editors on movies and television production. We evolved into a broadcasting system needing me to go work in Berlin, Kuala Lumpur, Mexico City, Montreal, New York City.
Then it turned into a new particular system for NFL and University Football teams to analyze their upcoming competitor’s recent games. I was out working with the video guys and coaches. It had me racing all over USA, from San Diego to Bangor, Orlando to Seattle! One game between 49ers and Seahawks, I watched the second half of the game being on the side of the field. I would spin around viewing where I was thinking, “where the hell am I!” Yes, I had fun and interesting experiences and made good money, but in the end, the company was sold making the owners rich, acting like they didn’t know me. No appreciation.
All these roads I were on finally brought me back home. I was uninterested looking for another engineering job. In my head another voice would say, “hey, do you remember why you came here? You loved playing and composing music, you love acting making fun short videos! You never finished your album! Get back after it!”
Around 2014 I decided to finally make a dream of mine happen, producing my first album. I thought back to my original musician buddies at UCD, Tony Green and Steve Watts. I knew Steve was a pro playing his sax in Denver. I looked up Tony Green the bassist and discovered he lived here in LA! I never knew it and he had a studio at his place! I found Alex Andrist who played that raging guitaring on “The Whole Program,” then and now. Marty Rifken was an amazing steel guitarist I worked with back in the 90’s and wanted to reconnect with him. I discovered he lived a mile away from me with his studio! I connected with these guys and felt like I was back on the music road!
Getting started however revealed how my talent was completely out of practice. I needed to revive my own performance and produce tracks I wanted them to sound like. There were some sessions not producing what I hoped. I decided to take up and learn Pro Tools recording equipment. I made a vocal booth so I could record my vocals as much as I needed.
A first few years working on the album was constantly interrupted. Politics and awful news from around the world would pull on my attention and aggravation. It still does. I would go be with my mother often and at 86 she became ill. I went home to help taking care of her, but after a few weeks, she passed away. I practically directed and produced a special funeral for her. The next thing that happened was Covid! For a year everyone was afraid to leave their house! I tried to work on my album, but it was rough being in the groove.
Then at the end of 2020, I felt there was something slightly unusual with me… something, I couldn’t point to it. For the heck of it one afternoon, I decided to go to an ER, not waiting for a doctor schedule. I remember walking into the ER on a pathway guided by orange cones, people in hazard suits stopping me with their hand in the air.
“Do you have Covid!”
“No” I said, “something else.”
“Oh! Well, that's a horse of a different color! Come on in!”